Cinema Sideshow

NEWS: Minghella to helm 'No. Ladies' Detective Agency,' Sandler signs with Apatow, Warners picks up "Bone"

HBO has greenlit a seven-part adaptation of Alexander McCall Smith's "The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency" which will be directed by Anthony Minghella. It's nice to see that someone's taken notice of this exceptional series of novels, Minghella could really do the project justice. Extra-plus bonus points -- Minghella co-wrote the two-hour pilot with Richard Curtis (Four Weddings and a Funeral, Love Actually, "The Vicar of Dibley"). (Hollywood Reporter)

Cleverly noting whose bread currently bears the thickest slab of butter, Adam Sandler will star in Judd Apatow's next comedy opposite -- surprise! -- pal-of-Apatow Seth Rogan and wife-of-Apatow Leslie Mann.  Rumors that Jim Carrey has taken a position as Apatow's poolboy-slash-lickspittle have yet to be confirmed. (Variety)

Warners has purchased the rights to Jeff Smith's epic comic "Bone," which Variety weirdly describes as "Bugs Bunny meets Lord of the Rings." So far, it's all about the money, and the studio says that it could be a CG animated feature or live action (!) depending on the director. The ways in which this could be mishandled are so many and varied, it may be best to just hope that Smith enjoys the big pile of money he's been handed and that the film never gets made. (For more on "Bone" check out Mike Russell's inspired interview with Smith over at Culture Pulp.) (Variety)

NEWS: Hulk trailer, Tang Lee censored, new Indy pic

In a stunning display of PR overkill, Universal will run a teaser trailer for The Incredible Hulk on seven cable networks simultaneously. A teaser for the kinda-sorta sequel to Ang Lee's The Hulk will run at 9:56 p.m. EDT/6:56 p.m. PDT on MTV, MTVU, MTV2, VH1, Spike TV, Nick at Nite and CMT. Of course, if you don't feel compelled to sit glued to the TV, you'll be able to see the teaser on MTV.com following the big blockbuster simulcast. Thank god. (Marvel.com)

Actress Tang Lee's ad for Pond skin-care products has been banned from Chinese television. While no reason was given for the ban, it's an ill-kept secret that Ang Lee's pretty-but-dull period piece Lust, Caution, which stars Lee, offended China's State Administration of Radio Film and Television board, who also sent out instructions that Tang and the filmmakers be excluded from awards shows and that no mention of the film be made. The film was released in China only after seven minutes of sexual content was excised, and the SARFT was roundly chastised by the government for releasing it at all. (Hollywood Reporter)

Entertainment Weekly has snagged a look at an action scene from Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull. He's wearing his trademark hat, there are uniformed guys with guns, and he's about to jump off of a moving vehicle. Odds are that it's the frame right before they cut away so that a stuntman could make the actual jump, thus sparing Harrison Ford (and the production) the expense of costly hip surgery. You can see it here. (EW)

News: Smith's footprints, free rides for firemen, Tom Swift

Grauman's Chinese Theater, home to the hand- and footprints of such stellar screen legends as Douglas Fairbanks, Marilyn Monroe and Adam Sandler, will enshrine the paws of acclaimed thespian Will Smith on Dec. 10. By sheer coincidence, Smith's new film I Am Legend will premiere just four days later, on Dec. 14. Interestingly, the premiere of Smith's last-guy-in-New-York-oops-there's-a-monster flick will not be held at Grauman's, but you can watch the Dec. 12 red carpet proceedings for Walk Hard: the Dewey Cox Story via live webcam here.  If you go there right now, though, you'll just see polyester-clad Midwesterners staring at the imprints of John Wayne's (surprisingly tiny) boots.

Universal Studios Hollywood is rewarding the folks who toiled selflessly during the recent So. California fires by offering free general admission to all firefighters, law enforcement officials, paramedics, Red Cross Employees and 911 personnel from Nov. 27 to Dec. 21. Up to six accompanying family members or friends will receive  50 percent admission. Expect short lines at the "Backdraft" ride. (Universal)

Worldwide Biggies, the unfortunately named studio recently founded by Nickolodeon/Spike honcho Albie Hecht, has purchased the rights to the Tom Swift book series. Hecht says he plans to create a massive, multiplatform franchise similar to Nick's marketing of "Jimmy Neutron:  Boy Genius" with Tom Swift-related video games, TV and movie properties, and licensed products, thus ensuring that countless numbers of people who grew up on the Tom Swift books will be sick with grief over the relentless whoring of yet another beloved literary icon. (Variety) 

News: 'Paddington Bear,' AFI anniversary, McConaughey replaces Wilson

Harry Potter producer David Heyman has announced plans for a feature-film adaptation of the Paddington Bear books. The screenwriter is Hamish McColl (Mr. Bean's Holiday) so expect many hilarious bits of slapstick involving Paddington falling face first into the loo, getting his necktie caught in turnstiles, and spilling marmalade on the crotches of unsuspecting old ladies. (Variety)

The American Film Institute will celebrate its 40th anniversary by screening 11 films on October 13 at the Arclight Hollywood Theater, with appearances at each film by the movie's director or star. Jack Nicholson will present One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, Tippi Hedren will introduce The Birds, Warren Beatty will be on hand for Bonnie and Clyde, and Sylvester Stallone will introduce Rocky. Tickets are $25, which seems very reasonable until you realize that the movies are screening simultaneously, which means you can only see one of them. Thanks, AFI. (AFI.com)

Matthew McConaughey has taken over a small cameo role in the Ben Stiller comedy Tropic Thunder that was to have been played by Owen Wilson, which means that those of you who had McConaughey over Wilson in the "who's less screwed up in Hollywood" pool at 50:1 can cash in your markers. (Variety)
 

News: Owen Wilson, 'War Monkeys,' Keanu barata nikto

Owen Wilson is in the hospital, reportedly after cutting his wrist and taking "an undetermined amount of pills." He's been stitched up and will "be detoxed" according to press reports. Not to trivialize the man's pain, but if this was a suicide attempt, it certainly puts the rest of our lives in stark perspective —  after all, if Owen Wilson isn't enjoying the hell out of his life, what chance is there for the rest of us? (Variety)

Dark Horse has announced plans to develop a feature film called War Monkeys about a janitor who gets trapped in an underground research facility with military-trained Rhesus monkeys. No word yet on which currently hot TV star will sabotage their career by making the established "Hey, I'll spend my hiatus making a monkey movie" mistake. (Hollywood Reporter)

Keanu Reeves has signed to play Klaatu in a remake of The Day the Earth Stood Still, leaving us all to breathlessly await the moment when he utters the classic line, "I'm impatient with stupidity. My people have learned to live without it, dude." (Variety)

NEWS: CGI 'Jungle Book,' Virtual Directors, 'Voltron' movie

A $50 million, live-action screen adaptation of Rudyard Kipling's "The Jungle Book" is in the planning stages, to be directed by "BBC natural-history filmmaker" (description courtesy of the BBC's press release) John Downer. His previous film, Pride, used CGI animation to make real-life lions look like they were talking. In a related story, government workers were called to Westminster Abbey, where Kipling's rapidly whirling corpse bore a hole through his own casket and into that of neighbor Charles Dickens. (Variety)

Speaking of CGI, some of the more paranoid media analysts have wondered whether actual, live actors will be needed for films once technology advances allow animators to create better, more realistic human characters. But the real question ought to be whether or not we'll need directors. A company called Animoto Productions has developed a software application called Cinematic Artificial Intelligence that they claim "thinks like an actual director and editor." You put in the images and music, and the Cinematic A.I. creates a three-minute music video. With technology like this, it's easy to imagine a future where studio execs will be able to do away with writers, directors, and actors entirely, and just feed clips from popular films into a computer to come up with new movies composed from established blockbusters. And even if the results are subpar, it couldn't be any worse than Daddy Day Camp. (Animoto.com)

You remember how, when Transformers came out, everybody joked that next there'd be a Voltron movie? Well, producer Mark Gordon (The Hoax, Prime, TV's "Grey's Anatomy") has cut a deal to do just that. He's also producing a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe movie, which proves one thing -- producer Mark Gordon is a very bad man, and someone should stop him before he gets his hands on "Herculoids" and "Thundarr the Barbarian." (Sci Fi Wire)

News: Ebert on video, Indie Sex, National Archives DVDs

Over two decades of videotaped reviews by Roger Ebert, Gene Siskel, Richard Roeper and a bevy of guest hosts will be available starting Thursday on the website AtTheMovies TV.com. Ostensibly the largest repository of video-based movie reviews available online, the site will offer about 5,000 reviews, searchable by film, director or actor, plus countless opportunities to giggle over Gene Siskel's enormous 1970's porn-star 'stache (seen here). (Newsday)

IFC kicks off their four-part Indie Sex  series tonight with "Censored," a look at "how filmmakers, the film industry, and special interest groups have attempted to both regulate and set free the images that filmmakers create and who gets to see them." It looks to be another in the standard film-clips-and-talking-heads format, with chat from the likes of Gregg Araki, John Cameron Mitchell, Larry Clark,  Peter Sarsgaard and  Guinevere  Turner. The other three installments will cover "Taboos," "Teens" and "Extremes." Stripper-slash-Marilyn Manson-ex Dita von Teese is prominently featured, and judging from the clips offered on IFC's website, she's far more intriguing when she's dancing than she is when she's talking. (IFC)

Amazon's now selling digitized DVD copies of films from the National Archives, starting small but ultimately planning to offer thousands of public domain and government films for purchase.  The DVD-on-demand service is being provided by CustomFlix Labs of Scotts Valley, Calif., who have a non-exclusive deal with the archives. Previously, members of the public had to travel to the National Archives, located in Maryland, to enjoy footage of Nixon arm-wrasslin' Kruschev or chimps smoking cigars at the 1959 World's Fair, but now just $19.99 will bring those gems right to your mailbox. (Hollywood Reporter)

 

News: Bergman dies, Antonious Porch promoted, 'Iron Man' looks good, and Walken cooks a chicken

The Show Business Trifecta of Death occurred in one fell swoop this time around — director Ingmar Bergman, newsman/talk show host Tom Snyder, and French actor Michel Serrault have all passed away. If there's a celestial waiting room, there's one fascinating conversation going on there right now.

Antonious Porch has been named as the new Senior Vice President of Business and Legal Affairs for Nickelodeon/MTVN Kids, a bit of news that isn't really all that interesting aside from the fact that "Antonious Porch" sounds like a character from one of the Harry Potter books. (Yahoo Finance)

There's no telling how long you'll be able to view them, but thanks to Comic-Con attendees who have no respect for the rules, bootleg camera-phone video is available of the upcoming Incredible Hulk and Iron Man movies. The latter is especially enlightening, as the trailer makes the film look really, really good, and with Robert Downey, Jr. starring and Jon Favreau directing, it could have gone either way. So while Cinema Sideshow in no way endorses these egregious copyright violations, we can't stop you from following the links and looking at them yourselves right now before the lawyers have them yanked.

And finally: Have you ever wanted to watch Christopher Walken cook a chicken? Now you can!

News: Depp to do 'Dark Shadows,' Marion Ravenwood returns, free Dark Horse comics on MySpace

Forgive us if we squeal like little girls, but Warner Bros. has announced that Johnny Depp is set to play Barnabas Collins in a film based on the kitschtastic '60's horror soap "Dark Shadows." We don't want to date ourselves, but as small children (very, very small, like negative-five years old) we obsessively watched DS every afternoon with our babysitter, and cut our literary teeth on novelizations of same. Oh, how we wanted to grow up to be as creepy and as glamorous as Angelique! If only every man had sexy sideburns like Quentin Collins, the angst-ridden werewolf! Every time we see an old movie with Joan Bennett, we think, Ooooh, it's Elizabeth Collins Stoddard, the matriarch of Collinwood! Depp has partnered with producer Graham King (The Departed, Traffic, Gangs of New York) to get the project off the ground, securing the rights from the estate of "Dark Shadows" creator Dan Curtis, who died last year. Even if the project goes smoothly, it'll be awhile before it hits theaters -- Depp just finished shooting the Tim Burton-directed Sweeney Todd and is set to star in a Mira Nair adaptation of the novel "Shataram." (Variety)

We're not the first to share this news, but Cinema Sideshow would like to jump on the bandwagon and applaud the return of Karen Allen as Marion Ravenwood in the upcoming Indiana Jones and the Osteoporosis of Doom. Allen's casting was officially announced at -- where else? -- Comic-Con, where Paramount execs also previewed exciting still photos of Harrison Ford downing cans of vodka-laced Ensure while propmasters prepped Indy's motorized wheelchair for a big chase scene. (Indiana Jones.com)

MySpace and Dark Horse Comics premiered a free, online comic-book series today, kinda-sorta inspired by the publisher's "Dark Horse Presents" anthologies that ran from 1996 through 2000. First up: "Sugarshock," a new comic from Joss Whedon and artist Fabio Moon, "The Comic-Con Murder Case" by the brilliant Rick Geary, "Samurai Heaven and Earth: The Forest" from  Luke Ross and Ron Marz, and "The Umbrella Academy" by My Chemical Romance singer Gerard Way and artist Gabriel Ba. All are quite good but, being longtime Whedon fans, our favorite so far is "Sugarshock," which appears to be about a space-traveling,  all-girl rock band who travel with a male groupie (called "Groupie") and a robot named Phil. We don't want to spoil anything for you, but any comic with the throwaway line, "Dude, GWAR fell on your car" is something we're gonna read to the end. (Dark Horse Presents)

News: Stan Lee ringtones, Double Spocks, Blu-ray sales boost

As Comic-Con continues, with each passing year, to grow as a salesman's paradise for all media interested in sucking cash out of geeks' wallets, we see an increase in corporate announcements by studios, TV networks, comic-book companies and toy manufacturers tied to the event. Among today's Big Important Unveilings was the announcement by Spike TV (a subsidiary of Viacom) that they'll be partnering with well-preserved exploiter of comics Stan Lee to offer a series of ringtones of Lee's voice. The featured ringtones will reportedly include messages about your secret identity, or messages for your arch-nemesis or sidekick.  Presumably, they won't be recording Lee saying, "Ring ring! That's the sound of me lining my pockets with more of your money!" or "Ack! My heart!" (SpikeTV)

In another Comic-Con announcement, Paramount revealed that Zachary Quinto (Sylar from TV's "Heroes") and Leonard Nimoy will both play Spock at different ages in J.J. Abrams "Star Trek" prequel movie. Asked about the announcement, Nimoy quipped: "It is logical." Quinto then used his evil mutant powers to slice open Nimoy's brain, thus becoming the One True Spock. (Variety)

A report by the market research company Parks Associates estimates that Blu-ray and HD DVD players will see significant growth in the coming years, increasing from 4.9 million units sold in 2007 to over 32 million by 2011. How can this possibly be? you ask. Isn't the availablility of online downloads and video filesharing the beginning of the end for the commercial DVD market? That's an excellent question. Well, the fine folks at Parks Associates came up with this number by -- get this -- including estimated sales of game consoles like PlayStation 3, which can play Blu-ray discs, in their equation. In a stunning display of complete ignorance of current market trends, a spokeman for Parks Associates said in a press release, "Purchasing or renting DVDs will continue to be a dominant way for consumers to view content." Perhaps for the next 24 months or so, but an 85 percent increase in sales over the next four years? Not likely, especially with the rapidly growing availability of online content.(Parks Associates)